Listen

Last week at church the sermon was about listening. It got me thinking a lot about listening and begin heard. The scripture the preacher used as the main text was James 1 verse 19; 'Know this, my beloved brothers let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. I really like the part of quick to hear and slow to speak. But if you know me well I tend to talk a lot and am guilty of not begin quick to hear and slow to speak. I wont address the slow to anger part that is another post on its own. Am that guilty of not listening a lot and sometimes in conversations am that person who listens to respond instead of listening to understand.

This got me thinking we live in world were being heard is a big deal. We are taught to express ourselves and society values articulate people. But listening is not a skill that is emphasised or praised. I remember my mother  laughing about how we as Africans tend to talk at the same time, she was watching an interview on TV a journalist was interviewing the Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan, most of the interview the both of them we talking a the same time. We it got me thinking most of us want to talk and be heard but we don't want to listen to other people. I have made a decision to listen more, to listen attentively and to be slow to speak. Its something that I have to chose to do everyday, several times a day.


I know that I want to be heard so from now on am listening to others so they too can be heard. Recently there has been talk of the over sexualisation of African/Black woman. I see a lot of these images on tumblr and it got me thinking its sad but its true most of the girls and woman want to be heard, so they are speaking a language that they know will have enable them to be heard. Its just like shouting or speaking loud. Have you met some people who always speak loud. They want to be heard so they speak up all the time. When you are loud no will miss you in crowd let alone try mess with you. I have been there, for a long time as teen I was told that I mumbled and that I did not speak loud enough. Then in an attempt to heard I started to speak very loud. Until I realised that I had a voice and that I could be heard without shouting or being loud.

We all have a voice, some have big voices, some have small voices and we all can be heard. We just have to make appreciate that conversation is a two way street much as we want to be heard we also have to listen otherwise it will be a speech. This week lets try it be quick to listen and slow to speak.

Forgiveness

This morning I could not sleep so I goggled Christian movies and I watched one called Amish Grace based on true story. It was about an Amish community who  their milk man a non-Amish shot and killed 6 girls in their school because he was angry at God. The community leaders went to the man's house that very day their daughters were killed to give their condolences to his widow and to tell her how they had forgiven her husband for what he had done. I thought that was very surprising. I learnt a lot from the movie. One father said that hate was hungry monster that was never satisfied that if you harboured it in your heart it would eat the love in you heart. He also said that hate hurt, so by hating one was not doing themselves a favour.

I really learned a lot from the movie, personally I have struggled forgiving a lot of people for various things. Forgiveness comes for an open heart, as people we don't have it in ourselves to forgive, God enables us to forgive. By surrendering our pain and hurt to God and asking Him to help us to forgive we are able to have peace in our heats. For a few years I have lived in anger , hate and  unforgiving because of people close to me who hurt and betrayed me. God says vengeance is mine. For awhile now I lived with heavy heart because of  anger and hate would surge in my heart every time I saw these people.

Watching this movie made me realise that all I was doing was hurting myself more. Had I forgiven the people in question those many years ago I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and pain. Forgiveness is not easy and its not cowardice. It is healing and self preservation. Most us do not grieve because we never go past the anger stage in the grieve cycle. So we never get to the stage of acceptance that would help us move on. Forgiving its a process sometimes in a day one has to forgive the same person many times for that one hurtful thing done to us. Forgiveness is conscious effort, letting go and acknowledging the hurt and working towards healing.

This post is dedicated to people like me who have been hurt, betrayed and other bad things that have happened to you that are causing you pain because you have not forgiven people or even yourself. Take time to acknowledge the hurt and make a conscious decision to release the hurt and pain from your heart. Then your will feel the burden lift of your heart. we have so many burdens that we carry in our hearts. Do not let  unforgiving clouds your heart.

Forgiveness is not pardon it does not mean that by forgive you are making the wrong done to you right, but you are forgiving the person the trespass they have committed against you  are removing the hate and angry so you can work on healing and dealing with your own pain. By not forgiving we are adding on to our pain. Do your heart a favour forgive. After I released the prisoners that were in my heart I feel free, now I have peace when I see them I don't cringe, interestingly enough I can pray for them. I am free and my heart is much lighter.